How to Set Boundaries and Let Go of Toxic Relationships Without Guilt

Why Setting Boundaries in Relationships Is Essential for Mental Health

You know that moment when you’re staring at a houseplant that’s clearly shuffled out of the living world? The leaves are brown and crispy, the soil’s gone a bit mouldy, and despite your best efforts with plant food, motivational talks, and repositioning it near every window in the house (including that weird one in the loo), it’s still giving you absolutely nothing back. Yet there you are, still giving it a splash of water every few days, muttering “Come on, you can do this” like some sort of botanical life coach.

We do exactly the same thing with toxic relationships, don’t we?

Except relationships don’t have the decency to just quietly wither in a corner.

How to Recognise When Relationships Have Become Unhealthy

Here’s something I’ve learnt the hard way (and by “hard way,” I mean through soul destroying overthinking), not every relationship that enters your life is meant to flourish, forever. Some connections are like those lovely seasonal flowers you buy at the garden centre - brilliant whilst they last, but you’d be mad to expect them to survive a British winter.

Other relationships might have seemed promising at the start, full of potential for mutual support and genuine friendship, but somewhere along the line, they’ve quietly withered into something quite different.

Signs of Toxic Friendships and Unhealthy Relationships

The tricky bit is that these relationship deaths aren’t always dramatic. There’s rarely a big argument or obvious falling out (though wouldn’t it be convenient if people just handed you a formal resignation letter?). 

• Instead, toxic relationship warning signs include:

• Conversations become as stilted as small talk with your dentist

• Support becomes more one-sided than a seesaw with a toddler on it

• You notice jealousy and resentment creeping in from their side

• Emotional manipulation becomes a regular occurrence

• You feel drained after spending time with them

Jealousy in friendships has this peculiar way of poisoning connections that once felt solid, turning people who used to cheer you on into those who seem to resent your successes.

I’ve watched friendships crumble not because anyone did anything particularly awful, but because ‘personal growth’ happened at different paces or in different directions. Sometimes you evolve and they don’t, or they change in ways that no longer align with your values. It’s nobody’s fault, really - it’s just life doing what life does.

Why We Feel Guilty About Setting Boundaries

But here’s where we get ourselves into trouble… bless our cotton socks! 

We feel guilt about ending relationships that no longer serve us. There’s this voice in our heads saying, “But remember that time they helped you move house?” (conveniently forgetting they complained the entire time and expected you to owe them ‘big time’ forever even), or “Maybe if I just try a bit harder to understand their perspective…” or my personal favourite, “I should be more patient - perhaps they’re going through something.”

Meanwhile, we’re running ourselves ragged trying to be the relationship equivalent of a one-person resuscitation team.

This people-pleasing behaviour keeps us pouring energy into connections that have essentially flatlined _/\_________ . 

We convince ourselves that being a good person means continuing to invest in relationships even when they’ve become draining, toxic, or simply irrelevant to who we’re becoming.

But think about it this way… 

What if loyalty to dead relationships is actually disloyalty to ourselves and to the people who genuinely deserve our time and energy? 

What if we’re being the emotional equivalent of that person who hoards broken appliances “just in case they might work again someday”?

How to Set Healthy Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty

Right, let’s get something straight: **setting boundaries is not selfish** – it’s essential for your mental health and wellbeing. Recognising when a relationship has run its course isn’t a character flaw – it’s emotional intelligence with a PhD in common sense.

It’s having the wisdom to understand that your time, care, and mental energy are finite resources that deserve to be invested where they can actually make a positive difference.

Practical Ways to Set Boundaries in Relationships

This doesn’t mean you need to be dramatic about it or start burning bridges like you’re starring in ‘Die Hard’. Sometimes letting go of toxic people looks refreshingly mundane and delightfully passive-aggressive in the most British way possible:

Gradual boundary setting strategies:

• You might find yourself naturally responding to messages with the enthusiasm of someone filling out tax forms

• Stop being the one who always initiates plans (shocking, I know)

• Set gentle boundaries around conversation topics – “Oh, we’re not going to talk about how my promotion is ‘lucky’ again, are we?”

• Start declining invitations that feel more like emotional labour than actual fun

• Learn to say no without lengthy explanations or apologies

The beautiful thing about this ‘assertive communication’ approach is that it’s honest without being harsh. You’re simply redirecting your energy towards relationships that are reciprocal, supportive, and aligned with who you’re becoming.

The Benefits of Letting Go of Toxic Relationships

How Cutting Toxic People Improves Your Mental Health

When you stop watering dead plants, something magical happens - you suddenly have more water for the ones that are actually growing. Your garden stops looking like a plant hospice and starts resembling something that might actually feature in a lifestyle magazine (or at least wouldn’t make your mother tut disapprovingly).

The same principle applies to your social circle. When you step back from relationships that drain you or hold you back, you create space for connections that genuinely nourish you. You make room for people who:

- Celebrate your growth rather than resent it

- Support your ambitions rather than subtly undermine them

- Bring out the best in you rather than leaving you feeling depleted

- Respect your boundaries without making you feel guilty

Building Self-Respect Through Boundary Setting

There’s something quietly revolutionary about choosing to invest your relational energy wisely. In a world that often tells us to be endlessly accommodating and understanding (usually whilst offering absolutely no practical advice on how to maintain our sanity), it takes courage to say, “Actually, this isn’t working for me anymore, and that’s perfectly fine, thanks very much.”

This isn’t about becoming selfish or ruthless (though a tiny bit of ruthlessness never hurt anyone, let’s be honest). It’s about developing self-respect with the same energy you’d use to choose a good bottle of wine - you’re not being picky, you’re being sensible about what deserves your investment.

You can honour what a relationship once gave you whilst also accepting that its season has ended. You can feel grateful for the lessons learned and the good times shared without feeling obligated to keep something alive that no longer serves anyone involved.

Why Your Mental Health Matters More Than Toxic Relationships

Your relationships should add value to your life, not constantly drain it like a phone battery on 1% when you’re in the middle of a Friday night Deliveroo order. They should be spaces where you can grow, be supported, and offer genuine support in return - not places where you feel like you’re constantly auditioning for the role of “acceptable human being.”

When a connection becomes more one-sided than a broken conversation, toxic enough to require a hazmat suit, or simply more stagnant than a pond in August, you’re not doing anyone any favours by pretending otherwise. In fact, you might be doing them a disservice by enabling their rubbish behaviour.

The Art of Letting Go

Final Thoughts on Healthy Relationships

Trust yourself enough to recognise when it’s time to redirect your care towards the relationships that are still reaching towards the light (and actually appreciate the sunshine you’re offering). Your future self – and the people who truly deserve your energy – will thank you for it, probably over a nice cup of tea and a proper biscuit.

Don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries. Some relationships are meant to end, making room for new growth in your social garden. And honestly? Your garden deserves to be absolutely magnificent - not a charity case for emotional lost causes.

Setting boundaries is an act of self-care, not selfishness. 

You have every right to curate your relationships just as carefully as you’d curate your living space. After all, the people you surround yourself with have just as much impact on your wellbeing as your physical environment.

Start today.

Choose one relationship that consistently drains your energy and begin setting gentle boundaries. Your mental health will thank you for it.